


I wouldn’t have you any other way

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Feelings Realization, Happy Ending, M/M, possessive!Kyle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 07:57:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18133037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What if Kyle had handled the situation with Cartman and Heidi differently?





	I wouldn’t have you any other way

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing a fic. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy reading it! :)

Kyle couldn’t believe it.

Cartman pinning a freaking lanyard on _Heidi Turner’s_ coat’s collar, holding hands with her and complimenting the girl had shocked him so much that he hadn’t known what to say. He’d felt himself sadden for some inexplicable reason at the sight of his rival acting close with somebody who wasn’t himself.

It was strange: He’d always stupidly assumed that Cartman would just remain a part of their group forever, that he’d invariably stick around and insult Kyle, that he was a constant in his life that would never change.

That even when everything went to hell, Cartman would still be there, doing some Machiavellian shit Kyle could never agree with.

But then Cartman had gotten together with none other than _Heidi Turner_ , the _first_ of the girls to accuse Cartman of being Skankhunt42 in the first place!

Kyle felt his blood boil when contemplating the way that _bitch_ had changed Cartman, which surprised himself since the redhead usually considered himself to be an open-minded, understanding, and rather calm kind of person.

Kyle remembered sitting on a swing, crying over what he’d done to the person that was supposed to be his friend. He’d spent the entire night trying to figure out how to fix the situation, hoping that apologising to Cartman would do the trick.

Never had it crossed the Jewish boy’s mind that his premature actions could’ve lead to Cartman moving on and becoming someone other than the person Kyle loved bickering with on a daily basis.

Although he’d never wanted to openly admit it, Kyle trusted Cartman. Which was why he was lying on his bed right now, reminiscing the old times with Cartman. _Eric Theodore Cartman_ , who had saved his life more than once, who always knew how to get a reaction out of him, who could come up with grand schemes offhandedly, and on whom Kyle could depend if anything bad happened.

Before Heidi had become his rival’s “girlfriend”, Kyle had never thought of her badly, but at the moment he outright _resented_ her.

Sighing, Kyle snuck a peek at his alarm clock, noticing - much to his dismay - that he was scheduled to meet his friend with Heidi at Sizzler in only an hour.

Kyle needed to do something, _anything_ , to separate Cartman from Heidi and get him to turn back to his normal brilliant, manipulative self.

There was only one solution: Kyle would have to come up with a scheme himself. God, he reminded himself a lot of Cartman at the moment.

Would trying to get the two separated be consistent with his personal values, though?

_Yes,_ Kyle reassured himself, _I’m helping Cartman, after all._ _There’s no way he could be happier with Heidi than with me._

Now, for just once in his life, he needed to do something only Cartman would do.

——

Sitting in a booth at Sizzler ten minutes before the scheduled meeting time, Kyle observed the other customers at the restaurant.

Not one student of South Park Elementary was to be seen.

Smiling to himself, Kyle noticed an overweight boy (“big-boned”, he could hear Cartman’s voice remind him in his head) wearing a blue hat entering the restaurant, looking slightly confused when noticing that his “girlfriend” wasn’t waiting for him.

Kyle grinned despite himself; that part of his little plan had obviously worked.

He then casually greeted his rival and gestured for him to sit down opposite him.

Before Cartman could open his mouth in order to ask the inevitable question, Kyle declared casually, “Heidi isn’t coming today.”

Frowning, Cartman replied, “Well then, Kahl. What did you want to talk to me and Heidi about?”

“I didn’t want to talk to _Heidi_ about anything. I wanted to talk to _you_ , and _only you_ , Cartman.” Kyle’s pale face was completely serious now.

For a short moment, he could see a hint of uncertainty flickering over his friend’s face, which irritated Kyle slightly. Usually, Cartman was full of self-confidence at any time, and never even showed a shadow of insecurity when confronted or asked something.

“… I’ll listen, Kahl,” Cartman announced calmly without any hint of emotion in his voice - another thing highly untypical of him.

“I need your help, Cartman. Please help me mess with Butters to stop his little aggro club from getting any bigger.”

“Like mess with Butters how? What do you mean "mess with Butters"?”

“You know what I mean! Come on! We need the old Cartman back!” Kyle desperately tried appealing to his friend. Cartman’s mental state was worse than he’d thought.

“Oh, I see. You have a problem with Heidi.”

Cartman had gotten out of his seat and scarcely started walking out of the restaurant when Kyle firmly grabbed his wrist to stop him from moving. Cartman’s face was a mixture of utter surprise and slight irritation.

“Don’t tell me you really like Heidi, Cartman! She’s changed you, and I need you to become your old self again!”

Kyle paused for dramatic effect and stared deeply into Cartman’s big hazel eyes. He was going on instinct now, confessing to his friend how he really felt without worrying about the consequences.

“I need my friend back! I need the Cartman back that would come up with the craziest schemes, that could manipulate anyone if he set his mind to it, that I could depend on when it really came down to it…” Kyle noticed tears beginning to well in his emerald eyes.

But he had the overwhelming urge to get Cartman to listen to him, and at this moment, nothing else seemed to matter.

“You can insult me all you want, Cartman, call me a “kike” or whatever, make me suck your goddamn balls… But, please, if I mean anything to you, return to your usual self again,  _Eric_ …” He realised he sounded pretty desperate and looked rather pathetic, even using Cartman’s first name to get him to give in to Kyle.

Cartman had stopped trying to get out of Kyle’s grasp, and now simply stared disbelievingly at the Jewish boy.

“…What the fuck did you just call me, Jew?”

The irritated voice of Cartman, _Kyle’s_ Cartman, made Kyle smile brightly and pull the fatter boy into a hug. The redhead was aware of the fact that most of the staff and customers were looking at them strangely, but he couldn’t care less right now.

“Seems like you just can’t live without me, huh, Kahl? Fucking dumb Jew, making a scene in front of everybody…” Cartman let out a shaky laugh. That was it. The finalconfirmation that Kyle’s plan had succeeded.

_Strange_ , Kyle thought. It felt as though there were hundreds of butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

He’d finally gotten _his_ Cartman back. And he wouldn’t have him any other way.


End file.
